i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
