Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's shark week go big or go home
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
