i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
