Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
