I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just saw a hot homeless man
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
