alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
