Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
