I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
