It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
