dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
