Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
