Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
this hospital has no fireball
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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