and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
