You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
