You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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