Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
