i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
