If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
