im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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