I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
