How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
