i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
