I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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