i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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