Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
