OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
