frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
