I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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