Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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