So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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