theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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