Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
