I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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