I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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