Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
