just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
last night I used snow as a chaser
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
