Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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