I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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