And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
