Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
