I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
