My sheets look like a crime scene.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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