im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
