he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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