Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
