it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
