The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I want is dick and wine.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
