I love black thongs
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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