thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
