Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
