Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
