Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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